omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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