piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
