Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
