Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it hurts more in the daytime
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
