i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
