Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
