do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
