her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
