I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
