Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
