so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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