I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
