I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
