But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
