at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
