What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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