Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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