It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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