I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
