Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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