the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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