I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
