I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
