I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
