oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
