Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
