My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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