It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
