operation harelip BJ is a go
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
