Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
