I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i now understand why vodka
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
