I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
