i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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