I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
