I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
