How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
