We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Holy shit dude........stairs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
