haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize