remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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