Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
