I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
