didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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