I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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