i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His hands were made for my vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
