My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
