just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
