now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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