Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
