is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize