ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
