He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
