you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
