she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
