Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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