I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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