i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
