if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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