My friends, they love my intelligence
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
