you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
