do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize