I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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