He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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