Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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