An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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