It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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