She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
