He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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