I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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