We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
