So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
