I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
