WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
