I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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