matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize