If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
